How to Bring Your Sexy Back

By :Dr. Jennifer Landa

I know. You're not in the mood tonight. Or, well, any night lately. You think it's: work, stress, the kids, that one project, the weather. Your dip in sex drive may be due to some of those things. But excuses are excuses. And once upon a time, you didn't need any to get it on.

If you're feeling a serious lag in your libido, you're not alone. More than 40% of women over the age of 30 report sexual problems at one time or another. That number is even higher among postmenopausal women. Getting your passion back is important because sexual gratification is tied to life satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and self esteem.

Look, things can and do change—with circumstances, with age, even with your cycle. From week to week and year to year, it's normal for your libido to ebb and flow. You're not supposed to act like a tiger in heat all the time. But when you've been ebbing for longer than you've been doing anything else, it's time to take a closer look at the issue.

Every day in my hormone practice, I encounter women who have lost their sexual desire. It's especially prevalent among women with fast-paced careers where stress is the norm. Many women would love to restore their libido, but are too embarrassed to seek help. Others have been told by their obgyn that this is just the way it is. I don't think that answer is good enough for you.

As an obgyn who helps women tap their energy and replenish their sex drives, I'm not telling you this because I think you "should" be having sex, but because sex is vital part of life, and if you aren't addressing the issues that have shut that drive down, those same issues will plague you in other areas, too. And not just that, but why shouldn't you have a full, juicy, sexy life?


1- Eat First Thing

Skipping breakfast isn't sexy. Be sure to eat within an hour of waking, and make it protein (best consumed in a protein shake). This will help sustain your blood sugar and get your energy back, rather than try to compensate for it on the back end of your day (p.s., this never works).

2- Do Your Exercise in Bursts

If you're chasing your libido for endless miles on a treadmill, well, you're running to stand still in more ways than one. Cut out the long-form cardio (which can actually trigger cortisol release, lowering much-needed progesterone and testosterone which calm your nerves and stoke your desire. Focus on bursts of exercise: Doing one minute really hard, two minutes easy, and repeating five times. This is a great way to boost testosterone.

3-Come to Your Senses

No, really. Tune in to all five. Get out of the gerbil wheel of to-dos and pay attention to what's around you, what you hear, what the air smells like, what your salad really tastes like, how your sweater feels against your skin. Sex is undeniably a physical act, so unless you can tune in to the physical, it'll be hard to feel sexy. Think about which sensory stimuli turns you on the most--how your partner smells, looks, and let that feed your own sensual fantasies, images, ideas. And allow it to stoke your sexual flame.

4- Be Here Now

A wandering mind is not your friend when it comes to sex. At the end of your workday or after dinner, write down all the things floating around your head competing for your attention, such as things you have to do, people to call, and so on. Clear it out of your brain for now. Then when you're with your partner in an intimate setting (regardless of whether you're going to have sex or not), practice tuning in to your partner and being mindful of him or her.

Give that person your full attention; let yourself be absorbed by their presence. You're building a connection with that person, which is vital to feeling sexually connected.


Nothing in the world can replace sleep, and you need it to do anything—work, drive, read, think, talk, and yes, have sex. Being tired is one of the biggest reasons couples decline to get down and dirty. Lack of sleep is another physical stress that triggers cortisol, stress hormone release which reduces happy hormones like progesterone and testosterone—so be sure to get your 7 to 8 hours a night.

Dr. Jennifer Landa specializes in helping women and men balance their hormones, restore their energy, and replenish their sex lives. Her practice focuses on hard work and lifestyle changes for increasing health.

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